Couples Therapy
Are you ready to work on your relationship?
Couples therapy is for all kinds of couples who are committed to making their relationships work.
I will not do therapy with couples who are simply making one last-ditch effort before they divorce, because it is my experience that they have already made the decision to split up. This lack of commitment significantly interferes with therapy. I won’t help you waste your time.
I am very up-front about the fact that I have a strong bias toward trying to make marriage work. Marriage is hard, and it’s one of the best ways to become a better person. I’ll help you improve your ability to nurture a relationship, set and maintain healthy boundaries, and be true to yourself in a way that honors both you and your spouse.
Who’s responsible?
Probably the most frequent problem I see in marriage is that one or both spouses rely on the other to regulate their emotions for them. The individual doesn’t see how they can regulate their own emotions and how this will hugely strengthen their marriage.
After a few years of “you’re supposed to make me happy / fix me / help me feel better,” what ends up is just overwhelm, resentment, criticism, defensiveness and pain. This misery is totally fixable. You can do the things that will create you feeling LOVE again!
How do you work together as a couple?
Couples (and individuals) have the option to complete a personality assessment called the PRF. This is a “normative” test of personality, and it will tell you useful things that relate to how you work together as a couple. It is not, however, a test that will tell you whether you have a psychotic disorder, so don’t worry that it will reveal all your hidden secrets!
You will learn to appreciate the other person for who they really are. Most couples find the shared sense of discovery helpful, and most people find out that their spouse is probably trying to be less annoying than they might have thought.
What I mean by this is that the PRF helps you understand what drives your behavior. It may be that you simply have a need to be quite independent, and therefore the reason you don’t include your spouse in decisions is not because you are trying to be irritating.
Start Couples Therapy NOW!
I encourage couples to start therapy before things get bad. It’s easier to mend broken relationships when you can still find all the pieces. However, if things have already gotten rough in your relationship, don’t give up hope.
Most couples don’t seek therapy as soon as they probably should. Behavioral marriage therapy can help you re-awaken those long-lost feelings of love for your partner and can help you feel closer and more deeply understood by each other. If you are committed to making your marriage work, things can get better.
If you can’t get the therapy help you need now, you might benefit from reading the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman.