Self-Harm (cutting, etc.)
Shocking?
Self-harm is not so very shocking anymore. It’s common.
Unless, that is, you are someone who loves the person who is self-harming.
Then it’s upsetting to you. Devastating. The worry crushes you. You don’t know what to do to stop it. It’s totally beyond anything you ever expected to have to deal with.
And, unless you are the person who is doing the self-harming. It’s upsetting to you, too.
You’re doing it because your feelings are crushing you. It’s a way out. You don’t know what to do to stop it. It’s totally beyond anything you ever expected to be doing.
So, even though it’s more common than it used to be (for women and for men), self-harming is no less painful, disruptive, upsetting, and saddening than it used to be.
The result of all that self-harm is that you’re just way more discouraged and depressed than you were before you self-harmed. At least in the long run. If you don’t know it yet, you will.
Sure, Self-Harm works in the short run.
Even if, sometimes, the “short run” is like three minutes.
Yeah, it totally works.
And I get it. Sometimes three minutes of feeling better is the only three minutes you think you’ll get and so you take it. Thankfully.
You get addicted. Your brain gets addicted to it.
You don’t know how to handle strong emotions or upsetting events. Everything makes you want to cut.
You give in. Nothing else seems to help anyway. Maybe you try to stop for a while, but you can’t take it. It feels like it’s “building up” inside you. You just KNOW you’re going to end up cutting at some point, no matter what.
In fact, you can’t imagine a life where you don’t use cutting to feel better.
The people who love you? They don’t get it at all. They get so upset, so you hide your self-harm from them. You feel guilty about it, and the last thing you want to do is to make them sad and worried or angry. They can’t imagine how it can make you feel better, so what’s the point of sharing with them?
Cutting just helps. Others don’t understand, and they think you’re weird. But self-harm is just what you do to cope.
It’s like you’re TRAPPED doing it. Even if you wanted to stop (and sometimes – be honest – sometimes you really DO want to stop, desperately)… you think you probably can’t stop anyway.
Can you relate?
“Dr Caldwell-Andrews helped me stop cutting and I never thought that would be possible. I used to cut to self-harm every day. Now I haven’t cut in 19 months. I don’t miss it at all, and I thought I couldn’t live without it!”
This is a real comment from a former client. I can’t even remember who it was, because there are so many former clients that have had this same experience. I hope that gives you some hope that I can help YOU stop, too.
You probably think you can’t stop it. And you’re not sure you want to stop.
But you can.
True, you can’t stop it if you don’t know how.
I can help you.
And you won’t stop it if you don’t learn how to manage your feelings and create a life that feels like it’s worth living.
I can help you.
Nobody stops perfectly. Nobody has zero mistakes. Nobody gets better quickly.
But you do get better.
All I need is some commitment.
Commitment is not where you promise to never mess up, and then, presto, you never mess up. That’s not what I’m asking for. That’s not how it works.
Commitment is not where you KNOW you’ll be able to quit! That’s also not what I’m asking for, and it’s a horrible way to think you have to begin therapy.
Commitment is more than trying. It’s more compelling than trying. It’s almost like doing… but it’s growing into the doing.
If you come talk to me, you’ll get what I mean. Right now, it doesn’t make much sense and it’s scary to think about being so open with someone else. You really need some understanding and acceptance. You need someone who really gets WHY you self-harm.
Like I said. I can help you quit self-harming.
I can help you quit WANTING to self-harm.